


our love was hard to find

by stromer



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2017-2018 Season, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian William Nylander, Realizations (TM), Rule 63, Willy is a Mess and her friends are Wise and Kind, Women in the NHL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-31 01:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15108569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stromer/pseuds/stromer
Summary: If she talked about this with Zach, Zach would think this was a gay thing, which it isn’t. Willy likes kissing girls because it’s easy, girls like what she likes. She doesn’t have to pretend to enjoy whatever the guy is doing when she kisses girls because girls understand what feels good and don’t push past her cues on what she’s enjoying. Zach would think this meant Willy was bi or something which is obviously not the case, so Willy doesn’t talk to Zach about it.[Or: Willy realises some things, with a little help from her friends]





	our love was hard to find

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Paper Houses by Niall Horan.
> 
> Thank you so much to my amazing betas - Elise for correcting my overabundance of commas and Sophie for being v supportive and changing my s's to z's - i would die for both of you, no questions asked.
> 
> Spoilery triggers in endnotes but I'm not kidding about the internalised homophobia tag thats like. the entire premise of the fic.
> 
> In this au Willy, Zach, Mitch and Freddie are all women but i didn't change their names because it would have been confusing but also gender isn't real so its fine.
> 
> The f/m in this is v brief unless you count the Mitch/Auston side pairing but like. thats really not part of the story and i wouldn't.

Willy doesn’t know how to explain it, really.

The only time she had ever tried, Mitch had given her a look that she was too drunk to decipher, before kissing her on the forehead and telling her that she understood.

Or, like. Willy knows how to explain it. It’s more that she’s surprised she even needs to.

It’s just. Obviously guys are great, Willy wouldn’t play a sport with more men than women if she disliked guys, but sometimes they’re just tiring to be around sometimes, is all.

And Willy’s not gay or anything, but sometimes when she’s drunk she’ll find Mitch and sit on her lap and Mitch will play with her hair and it’s just _nice, easy_. And sometimes she’ll turn around until she’s facing Mitch properly and Mitch will look so open and happy that she won’t even think before she leans in and kisses her. Mitch always tastes like strawberry Chapstick and champagne and Willy thinks it’s the loveliest thing she’s ever tasted.

So. She doesn’t know how to explain that sometimes kissing girls is just _better_ than it is with guys, but Mitch doesn’t seem to need an explanation anyway.

 

They go to a bar on the waterfront after a game one night and Willy drinks more than she probably should at this stage in the season. She knows it’s maybe not a good idea, given how much Toronto media already focuses on whether she’s good enough to play on the line she does. But she wants to forget the slump she’s in, wants to hook up with someone and not have to _think_. So, she drinks and ignores the worried looks Zach keeps shooting her from her seat in the corner next to Mo.

She ends up against a wall in a corner of the bar, later, making out with a guy who is, objectively, the most attractive man she has ever seen. He kisses her like he’s showing her a preview, his tongue fucking into her mouth like a promise of what’s to come.  Willy kind of wants to roll her eyes because like. She gets it, he wants to fuck her, he doesn’t need to show her he knows how to eat a girl out. She doesn’t roll her eyes because that would be like rude, probably, but she does rest her hand over where his is gripping onto her waist, hoping he’ll get that he doesn’t have to pull her that close, she’s not going anywhere.

She’s good at this, is the thing, so she spins them until she’s pushing him back into the wall, bites at his lip softly and pulls back to ask if he wants to get out of there.

He nods yes.

They always do.

 

Willy doesn’t try to explain to Zach how bored she gets kissing guys because Zach wouldn’t get it.

Mitch scoffs when Willy tells her this, curled up with her head on Mitch’s lap.

“You know she’s a lesbian, right?” Mitch asks, her tone half incredulous, half teasing. “By definition she understands the feeling of wanting to kiss girls but not guys.”

Willy rolls her eyes because _of course_ she knows Zach’s gay but that’s exactly why Zach wouldn’t get it. If she talked about this with Zach, Zach would think this was a _gay_ thing, which it isn’t. Willy likes kissing girls because it’s easy, girls like what she likes. She doesn’t have to pretend to enjoy whatever the guy is doing when she kisses girls because girls understand what feels good and don’t push past her cues on what she’s enjoying. Zach would think this meant Willy was bi or something which is obviously not the case, so Willy doesn’t talk to Zach about it.

 

Zach’s been different recently, not going out with the team as much and blushing whenever anyone asks what she did on the off day. Willy walks into the locker room one day to find Auston and Zach talking quietly, their heads bent and a self-conscious smile on Zach’s lips.

“Her name’s Stella,” Zach’s saying, and Willy is about to call out to them and ask whose name is Stella, but then Zach cheeks turn the most fascinating pink Willy has ever seen and she says, “I- I really like her, Matts.”

Something in Willy’s stomach flips and she turns away, mouth souring in distaste.

 

Willy’s not homophobic or anything. Christ, she spends half the house parties she goes to kissing Mitch Marner which. She wouldn’t do if she hated gay people, obviously. She’s never been uncomfortable with people being gay. She thinks it’s great, actually. Hell, she cried when America legalized same sex marriage. She _loves_ gay people. So. Zach maybe having a girlfriend shouldn’t be freaking her out as much as it is.

But.

She can’t stop thinking about it, is the thing.

 She tosses and turns in her hotel bed trying to get to sleep and her chest feels tight. The look on Zach’s face when she said Stella’s name keeps flashing into her mind and she feels sick.

She feels sick, and then, after a while, she feels angry. Or maybe she feels sick because she’s angry. It’s hard to tell, exactly, but her anger stays in her stomach and then expands, twisting up through her ribs and into her throat until she feels like she can’t breathe with it, she’s so mad.

She’s mad Zach is spilling her secrets to fucking _Auston_ like Willy isn’t her best friend. She looked so fucking _happy_ and she didn’t even bother to talk to Willy about it.

Cursing, she sits up, tearing the blankets off and slipping on her slides, before opening her door and padding down the hall to Zach’s room. She knocks on the door, gently at first and then louder when Zach doesn’t immediately appear.

When Zach finally opens the door she looks confused, rumpled hair thrown up into a bun and eyes tired.

“What’s going on?” she asks as she lets Willy in.

The anger in Willy’s throat has changed now, twisted and slunk back into her stomach where it tumbles into something new, dark and unsettling. She feels nauseous, which is unproductive, if you ask her. Instead she focuses back on the anger, pulls at it until it’s all she feels.

“I know you’re dating someone” she starts.

“Ok?” Zach says, like she has no clue what that has to do with anything.

“I just think it’s shitty for me to have to overhear you telling Auston about it. We’re friends, right? I’ve known you way longer than Auston has and we’ve always been better friends than you and Auston, so I just think its fucked that you talk to him about this but not me.”

Zach looks like Willy’s been speaking Swedish this whole conversation, like she doesn’t understand what’s happening. Willy can kind of relate.

“You’re kidding, right?” Zach says, annoyed and exasperated. “Willy, we have a game tomorrow and you’re really standing in my room telling me off for having other friends? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“I’m-” Willy starts, fiddling with the hem of her robe. “I’m not telling you off for being friends with Auston it’s just. Like. Obviously you’re friends with Auston but you’re better friends with me so maybe you should act like it and tell me this shit rather than confiding in him?”

She feels defensive, like she’s about to get caught out, although for what she doesn’t know, and her anger only grows when Zach rolls her eyes.

“Oh, fuck _off,_ ” Zach spits and Willy flinches, just a little, because Zach’s never spoken to her like that before. “You don’t want to hear about who I’m dating, Willy, and you never have! Every time anyone so much as mentions the fact that I’m a lesbian you get all weird and stop talking so fucking _forgive me_ for thinking maybe you weren’t the person I’d want to talk to about that shit.” 

Willy feels like she’s been slapped, smarting at the idea that Zach couldn’t trust her with this.

“What the fuck?” she hisses, wanting to scream but conscious of the team in the rooms around them. “You know I’m not homophobic! I can’t believe you would even think that! I-”

“You know what?” Zach says, cutting across Willy’s floundering. “I don’t fucking care. It’s the middle of the fucking night and I came to terms with your gross inability to deal with my sexuality a while ago and I don’t need this right now so just go to bed. I’m not going to stand here and argue with you about whether or not you’re homophobic, Willy, so just go. I don’t need this.”

 “Zach,” Willy implores, feeling like she’s going to vomit. “You can’t think that, Zach, c’mon.”

“Please,” Zach says, tangling her finger into her hair and looking at the ground. “Just go.”

Willy goes.

 

She doesn’t sleep well and, when she finally makes it down to breakfast, Mitch and Zach are sitting with their heads bent at a table in the corner, clearly not wanting to be disturbed. She sits next to Auston on the other side of them room and contributes very little to the conversation, too busy feeling sick and embarrassed.

 

Mitch pulls her aside on their way off the bus after the game with enough finality that Willy knows not to argue.

“So,” she starts, once the others are out of earshot. “I hear you and Zach are fighting. Wanna talk about it?”

Willy categorically Does Not want to talk about it, except for how she sort of doesn’t know what the fuck is going on and would like someone to explain it to her, please and thank you, so she grimaces and says, “Can we at least do this inside?”

Mitch smiles, easy, and nods, “Sure. I wanted to grab you before you could escape but that doesn’t mean we have to stand in a random car park for the next hour.”

Willy thinks an hour is maybe a little ambitious, but she decides against telling Mitch that.

 

“So…” Mitch prompts, once they’re back in her room and Willy hasn’t indicated any willingness to bring up The Zach Thing.

“Zach called me homophobic,” Willy blurts, suddenly desperate to get everything off her chest. “Which is like, dumb. Objectively. She’s seen me kiss girls before, she’s seen me kiss _you_ before, which obviously makes me not homophobic. Us kissing is like. The most supportive thing we could do for gay people, so I don’t know why she thinks I’m homophobic.”

Mitch snorts, which Willy thinks is a little rude, given everything, but whatever.

“Wills,” she grins. “You know that’s literally the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, right? I kiss girls because I like kissing girls, not because I support The Gays.”

“Mitch I don’t think you’re meant to call them that,” Willy frowns. “And like. Obviously it’s not like I only kiss girls to show that I’m ok with gay people. I kiss girls because I like kissing girls and its fun. It’s like, the opposite of homophobic, probably.”

“As in _gay_?” Mitch asks, like she really wants to laugh but isn’t sure if she’s allowed to. “The opposite of homophobic in that scenario is _gay_ , right?”

“No,” Willy groans, annoyed that she has to explain this to Mitch, of all people. “It’s not like kissing girls is a gay thing it’s just like. Nice.”

“Right. Nice _because_ its gay.” Mitch is wry but suddenly her face twists and she looks confused. “Wait, Wills, you know I’m bi, right? I kiss girls because I like girls because I’m bi.”

 Willy stops trying to think of her next argument then because _what_.

“What do you mean you’re bi?” she asks, confused by the direction this conversation has gone. “Why would you never tell me that? Don’t you trust me?”

“Wills,” Mitch says, exasperated. “I never told you because I didn’t think I had to! I’ve kissed guys in front of you and I’ve kissed girls in front of you. I’ve talked to you about girls I find hot. I just kinda assumed you knew.”

“Sure but like,” Willy tries. “Kissing girls isn’t a gay thing? Guys are just kinda gross so kissing girls is like. a nice break from having to do that? That doesn’t make you bi?”

The wry look from earlier is completely gone from Mitch’s face, replaced by the look of concentration she gets at practice while trying to master a new skill.

“Um. So like. First of all, for me at least, wanting to kiss girls is absolutely a gay thing. But also, I don’t think kissing guys is gross, Wills, that’s why I’m bi?”

Willy rolls her eyes. “Ok not gross, you know what I mean, it’s just kind of boring? Like, when you kiss a girl it’s exciting because she feels nice and sometimes she’ll make those noises but with a guy its just. Not really like that?”

“Babe, have you talked to Zach about this?” Mitch sounds tentative, like she’s out of her depth but doesn’t want to show it. “I feel like that’s maybe more her area of expertise? I genuinely _like_ kissing guys?”

Oh.

That’s.

 _Oh_.

Mitch doesn’t force her to keep talking about it after that, seems to sense that Willy is kind of freaking out about it all and can’t handle anything else right now. Instead they curl up on Mitch’s bed and watch the Devil Wears Prada.

“Just because we play hockey doesn’t mean we’re allowed to neglect our roots Wills, don’t be a fool.” Mitch says, crawling further under the comforter.

Willy spends most of the film debating whether she thinks Anne Hathaway is hot in a normal or a gay way and by the time the credits roll she feels exhausted and has more questions than she did to begin with. The exhaustion wins out and she sleeps through the night without interruption, dreaming about lipstick, beer, and Zach calling to her from across the ice.

 

It’s not like that conversation changes everything for her. Except for how it kind of does.

Or rather, after that, Willy starts taking note of how often she just. Doesn’t think about things a lot of the time.

The girl behind the bar smiles when she hands Willy her shot and something flips in Willy’s stomach as she blushes and thinks _oh_.

The guy at Starbucks smirks as he gives her a once over and it makes Willy’s skin crawl, a little, and she thinks _oh_.

She kisses a girl at a frat party in Arizona and thinks _oh_.

 

So.

Willy feels vindicated in saying she isn’t homophobic.

One night Mitch stays over and as they’re falling asleep Willy whispers across the bed that she thinks she’s gay. Mitch tells her she loves her and, after a while, that she’s vindicated in saying the opposite of homophobic _is_ being gay.

 

So. Willy isn’t homophobic.

Which is to say, it doesn’t make any sense that her stomach still churns whenever Zach mentions Stella, who she’s been seeing for _months_ now. She tries, she really does, listening intently to Zach’s relationship ups and downs, forcing a smile onto her face.

But.

 

She finally figures it out, towards the end of the season.

They’re sitting in a bar celebrating an overtime win against Dallas and Zach is scowling.

Willy knocks their knees together and says, softly, “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Zach mumbles, and Willy’s happy to let it go except Zach continues almost immediately, “It’s just. Stella didn’t want to come out with us tonight. Which is fine! But like. She almost never wants to hang out with you guys? And then she makes snide comments about me spending time with the team, even though that’s like. Literally my fucking job? And it’s not like I don’t hang out with her as much as I can? It just sucks that she doesn’t even want to try to be friends with you guys, I guess.”

Willy isn’t proud of it but something nasty inside her twists and she feels _smug_. If she was Zach’s girlfriend this wouldn’t be an issue, Zach would be so much happier with Willy as her girlfriend.

Willy would be so much happier.

_Oh._

She supposes, in hindsight, that it makes sense. It’s not like she was ever uncomfortable hearing Mitch talk about hooking up with girls and she was so happy seeing Freddie marry her wife that she _cried_. (She supposes, in hindsight, that she should have taken note a lot earlier of how often she cried about gay people being happy in general but that’s neither here nor there). The point is, she never had any issue hearing gay people talk about in their love lives, only Zach. So, in hindsight, it makes sense that she was jealous.

In Willy’s defence, that’s a lot to process in a very short amount of time but even so, what she should have done is tell Zach she’s sorry and that it must be difficult navigating such a hectic schedule with a relationship. What she actually does is lean in until she can feel Zach’s breath on her face, pause and then kiss her.

Zach’s lips are chapped, and she tastes like the shitty cider she insists on drinking and, for a moment, Willy thinks this is the best she’s ever felt. Except then Zach’s pushing her away, her face frozen in horror, and Willy’s insides feel like lead.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Nylander?” Zach hisses, pulling away from her as though she’s physically repulsive. “Don’t you fucking dare pull that shit on me ever again.”

She storms away from the table with Mitch casting a fleeting look of pity to Willy before following her out the door.

“Hey,” Auston says quietly, his hand resting gently on her arm, and Willy realises she’s crying, fuck she’s crying, and everyone’s looking at her and she can’t breathe, she can’t. “Hey, Wills you’re ok, I’ve got you, it’s gonna be ok.”

He pulls her into a hug and she lets him, folding herself up as small as possible as if that will hide her from her teammates.

“Let’s get you out of here, yeah?” he says dropping a kiss on top of her head and gently pulling her out of her seat.

Willy pretends not to notice the eyes of their teammates following them to the door.

 

Auston takes Willy back to his place, disappearing from the living room only to return with a comforter. Given what Willy knows about what Auston does in his bedroom, she’s grateful he chose the comforter from the guest room. When Willy mentions this to him though he blushes and mumbles something indistinct that seems to include Mitch’s name. Honestly, Willy is kind of busy dealing with her own love life right now, but when she’s able to feel anything other than full body horror, she fully intends on asking him what that’s about.

Instead she tucks herself under the comforter, motioning to Auston to join her, and they stay like that until early into the morning, watching Netflix in comfortable silence.

 

It’s naïve of her to think she can make it through this without having to talk about it, which she realises the second she wakes up the next morning. The smell of coffee is drifting from the kitchen and she knows for a fact that Auston has no idea how to work the machine on his kitchen top, so either he went and bought coffee from the Starbucks on the corner or someone else is here.

Padding into the kitchen she sees the latter is true, Mitch, who apparently _does_ know how the coffee machine works, is sitting on the counter humming to herself, coffee in one hand and phone in the other. She smiles when she notices Willy and slides a full cup of coffee across the counter to her, nodding for her to take a seat.

“Matts is still asleep,” she says quietly. “I let myself in.”

Willy raises her eyebrows at that and Mitch grins, cheeky and a little smug, so that’s something.

“So,” Mitch says, once Willy has had a sip of her coffee, “Wanna talk about it?”

Willy groans and rests her head against the countertop. Screwing her eyes shut, she says, “Not really.”

“Hmm, that’s a shame,” Mitch laments, sarcastic. “Because I do. And I made you coffee. So.”

Willy gestures for Mitch to go on, resigned, and she does, dropping down onto the seat next to her, “Zach’s really upset, Wills. I know you’ve been going through some shit but you’ve gotta understand that you haven’t been treating her as well as she deserves. She had a right to be upset anyway but last night was a lot, babe.”

“Fuck,” Willy says, a wave of nausea rolling over her. “God, Mitchy I know I fucked up, ok? I just. She was talking about Stella and how she never wants to hang out with all of us and I just. I was jealous, ok? I was jealous, and I thought. I don’t know. I would be so much better for her than Stella and I just. I just wanted to kiss her, Mitchy.”

Tears prick at her eyes and she scrubs at them furiously, embarrassed by how pathetic she must seem.

Mitch runs her fingers through Willy’s hair, gentle, and says, “I know, babe, you’re ok. It’s going to be ok. But you can’t treat people like that, and you know it. Even if you _are_ better for her than Stella is. It doesn’t matter. You need to apologise to Zach. You shouldn’t have kissed her without asking, especially not when she was looking for comfort from you, ok?”

A thump, followed by a soft _fuck,_ sounds from behind them and Willy looks up to find a sleepy eyed Auston Matthews hovering in the corridor, a pair of shoes he had clearly just tripped over strewn in front of him.

“Morning,” he says sheepishly. “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Morning babe,” Mitch says, fond, as she stands and pours him a cup of coffee. “I think I’m at my telling off limit for the day anyway, don’t worry.” Turning back to Willy and she says, “But think about it, ok? Think about it and then talk to her, babe, she deserves that much.”

 

It’s not that Willy avoids Zach after that, it’s more that she wants to give her space.

Of course, giving Zach space involves a lot of avoidance on Willy’s part but. She tells herself she can’t really help that.

She doesn’t stew over it, but she does think about it. A lot.

It’s a lot to work through, the realization that she’s maybe a little in love with Zach and that she’s been hurting her because of it. Given how good Willy has gotten at _not_ thinking too much about that sort of thing, it takes a while for her to come to terms with it.

Only, by the time she _does_ sort her thoughts out, the playoffs have started. Willy’s underperforming, and the media attention on her isn’t helping, but Zach is playing like she has something to prove which, given the way the fans treat her, she maybe does. The point is, Willy isn’t going to drag her into this mess.

So. She keeps giving Zach space, keeps playing badly, and keeps hoping it will get better.

 

Zach ends up finding her, after game seven.

The media has finally left, and Willy is sitting in her stall, head in her hands to hide the tears that are streaming down her face when Zach slumps down in the stall next to her.

“Hey,” she says tiredly. Willy notes idly that _she_ isn’t crying but then, she figures, Zach isn’t the reason they lost. So. “How’re you feeling?”

It’s such a ridiculous question to ask, Zach rubbing her back as she cries into her hands, that Willy can’t help but laugh, choking on her next sob.

“Kinda shitty,” she says, sitting upright and meeting Zach’s eyes for the first time in what feels like _months_.

“Makes sense,” Zach says, smiling slightly before turning earnest. “This wasn’t your fault, Wills. We all needed to be better and we weren’t, and we lost, and it sucks but it wasn’t anyone’s fault, ok? Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

 

They end up back in Zach’s hotel room, watching a Marvel movie that Zach adores and Willy couldn’t care less about. They sit on top of the covers and Willy swears the distance between them is both too far and too close for comfort.

“I broke up with Stella,” Zach says absently, as Captain America broods onscreen.

It’s so casual that Willy thinks she has misheard.

She’s slow to reply, feeling like she’s forgotten every word in every language she’s ever spoken. Her stomach flips and her chest feels tight and she doesn’t know what to say.

“Like. Today?” she says eventually, which is absolutely not the most pressing thing to concentrate on but it’s the only thing that feels manageable right now.

Zach looks at her and raises an eyebrow, smirking, “No, not today, you idiot. A while ago. After you kissed me. I just felt like…”

She trails off and Willy wants to scream, wants to demand to know what she felt like.

“I’m sorry,” she says, instead. “Are you ok?”

“I. Yeah I think so,” Zach says, eyebrows pulling together. “Or I will be, at least.”

“I’m glad,” Willy says before taking a deep breath and shifting closer, so she can snuggle into Zach’s side. “You deserve to be happy.”

 

The summer feels both infinitely long and like its over before it began.

Willy goes to Croatia with her family and snapchats Zach from the beach. She wakes up from a nap in a hotel room in Budapest and texts Zach good morning. She goes back to Sweden to start training and skypes Zach from her couch, sweaty and exhausted and _happy_.

They talk about it, about how badly Willy handled everything. Zach cries and Willy cries and its awkward and sad and horrible but in the end it feels better, _healthier._

They’re not _dating_ , Zach had been clear when she told Willy she needed time, but they are _something._

Willy thinks that, for now, that’s enough.

 

Zach picks Willy up from the airport when she comes back for training camp.

It’s early and Willy didn’t sleep at all on the plane but the second she sees Zach she feels _alive,_ skin buzzing and adrenaline rushing. Zach pulls her into a hug and she melts, more content than she’s been in a long time.

She leans back, looking up at Zach and grinning, so close their noses are almost touching.

Willy wants to kiss her more than anything in the world but it’s Toronto and people would notice, and Willy needs to _ask_ before she does something like that. Instead she tugs on Zach’s hand and says, “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

They drive back to Willy’s apartment, Zach humming along softly to the radio and Willy looking out the window to hide the smile stretched across her face.

They haul Willy’s suitcase up to her apartment, Zach grumbling about how Willy can _possibly_ need this many clothes, and pull the door shut behind them.

“Fuck, I’ve missed my couch,” Willy sighs, leaving her bag at the door before walking to the living room and dropping onto the aforementioned piece of furniture.

She rolls onto her back and looks up at the doorway to find Zach watching her, a strange look on her face.

“What?” she asks, sitting up. “I haven’t been here for _months_ Zach, it’s fair that I would miss my couch.”

Smiling, Zach shakes her head and walks over to join her, settling beside her.

“Nothing, I just. It’s really nice to have you back, Wills,” Zach says, and something about her tone makes Willy’s breath catch.

They stay like that and the moment feels like it drags on forever until Zach huffs a small laugh and leans forward, just a little.

She’s blushing, just a little, when she finally says, “Can I kiss you?” And Willy’s heart is racing and her hands are shaking and before she can even finish saying “Yes”, Zach closes the gap between them and kisses her.

This time, Zach’s lips are soft, coaxing, and she tastes ever so slightly of peppermint. Willy feels, somehow, both as though she is about to vibrate out of her skin and like she has never been calmer.

Breathing in, Willy kisses back.

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers:  
> \- LOTS of internalised homophobia. This is essentially a fic about internalised homophobia. Please keep that in mind.  
> \- A lesbian character makes out with a guy. She doesn't enjoy it but she doesn't realise this is something she should take note of until later.  
> \- In coming to terms with her sexuality a lesbian character says some pretty biphobic things. This is (hopefully properly) called out at the time and is meant to show her internalised homophobia and not that bi people dont actually exist.  
> \- Willy often feels emotions (especially negative emotions) as physical illness. It isn't described in heavy detail or anything but it does crop up a fair bit.  
> \- Characters use some ableist language.  
> \- A character has a mild panic attack in a bar but is with a friend who helps her through it.
> 
> Me @ me: stop making everyone gay  
> Also me: Freddie's a lesbian and I'm putting it in even tho its completely irrelevant.
> 
> You may say its unrealistic for Auston to be as Soft And Helpful as he is in this fic to which i would say: Auston Matthews has two sisters, that bitch knows how to comfort his crying teammates. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
> 
> Writing this was Difficult. Less because it was me projecting a whole lot of personal shit about my sexuality onto William Nylander and more so because i fucking hate writing dialogue oh my goddd
> 
> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments will genuinely make my day xx


End file.
